You're The Only Thing In This World I Would Die Without
by CanadianGlambertLove
Summary: "I know it gets hard sometimes. But I could never leave your side... No matter what I say." Saulbert/Lambski forever. I don't know about you, but I believe they belong and that they WILL get back together someday.


_**You know exactly why I'm posting this. **_

_**To any Saulbert/Lambski shippers who have shed tears like I have countless times since lunch, I'd like to give you all an internet glam-hug. **_

_**Feel better? No? Okay then...**_

_**Other than that, read & you might cry, as I have done while writing it so don't hate if it's bad! **_

* * *

What have I done?

Two years. Two years together. Two songs. A million memories. And only one regret.

I check my twitter feed, but it's nothing but him. Every tweet is about me and him. Pictures. Memories. Videos at the Halloweenie and on Ellen. All of it. Like the whole reason of my two years of complete happiness, all of it. The lower I scroll, the more my heart aches. And it seems they're more heartbroken than I.

Why did I let him go?

After two years of complete content, I let him slip through my fingers.

Why? I know we agreed it was mutual. But I'm regretting every second of it.

I slam my laptop closed as I feel the tears finally break and I step away from it, pacing back and forth in my living room while I clawed my hair out. I've never been this distraught. Especially over a breakup. Why, now, was I so numb to the world? Sauli was just another guy. Another memory that would soon fade. Another heart that would mend and carry on. That's what it is, right? _Keep calm and Carry on_?

So why couldn't I? He was another guy. Wasn't he?

There was a knock at the door, but ignored it, continuing to pace. I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. Not Neil. Not Brian. Not my mother. Not even Tommy. No one. But the person didn't leave. As much as I tried to ignore the disturbance, it only seemed to get louder and louder. Fuck. Why won't they leave me in piece? I have a right to privacy you know! But they were determined that I answer...

Oh fuck. Fine.

I stormed over to the door ad gripped the handle tight, throwing the door open and practically screaming at them. "What?!" I growled. As soon as I realized who it was, my racing heart came to a complete halt.

He sighed, holding a box under his right arm, his usual light completely faded. Did he hate to see me that much? Did he feel the same as I? Of course not, Adam. He agreed to the break up! Why would he want me back? "I can see you're in a bad mood," he started, "but I just came here to get the last of my things and go before you decide to sell or burn them." He gestured past me, "May I come in?"

I nodded, my voice jammed in my throat as he slipped past me, walking straight to the bedroom with me far behind him. When I reached the bedroom and leaned against the door frame, he was on his hands and knees, reaching under the bed. "Did you hide everything under the bed so I wouldn't sell or burn them?" I teased, trying my best not to give away my depression.

He chuckled, but it didn't sound like the ordinary light one he always did. Oh shut up, Adam. You're just trying to convince yourself he misses you too!

"Maybe..." he smirked, turning to me for only a moment. But it was like he suddenly saw right through me and his gaze turned back to me, "What's wrong?"

I shrugged, "Nothing!" He seemed like he wasn't buying it, but he turned back to his work anyway, reaching far under the bed for something. Suddenly he jumped and winced, pulling his hand out and looking to where a small prick was, a thin amount of blood pooling around it. My eyes widened and I immediately fell to the floor in front of him, gripping his wrist and pulling his hand up to examine the wound. "What happened?"

"I just pricked myself." he replied, going to pull his hand away but I kept my grip. "Adam?" My gaze lifted to his, almost getting lost in his blue orbs, "Are you okay?" I paused for moment, realizing what I'd done and I released his wrist, turning away. He reached back under the bed, pulling out a small white object. He chuckled as he revealed it, "Who knew your fangs really hurt?"

I turned back to his hand, smirking slightly, "From that year at Halloweenie." He nodded, smiling widely. "That was a fun night..."

"Yeah, you thought it would be fun to suck my blood without taking them out!" he laughed, "Now I know what happened to them after that night. They're full of hair now.."

I held my hand out, "I'll throw it out. You should wash that out incase it gets infected." His gaze lifted back to mine for a few long moments before he stood and walked to the attached bathroom. I looked back to the tooth, chuckling softly at the memories it possessed.

No. Time to let go.

I stood to my feet, walking over to the trash and dropping it in. he light clang sound rung in my ears like a never ending siren. But I forced myself go snap out of it, turning and walking to the bathroom. He was running his hand under the cold tap and I smiled, "Doesn't have to be amputated does it?" He chuckled, turning the tap off and grabbing a tissue, resting it over the wound. My eyes rolled, "That's not helping anything." I walked to him, reaching into the mirror cabinet and pulling out a box of band-aids taking out a regular one and grabbing a cloth. I set the package down and took his hand, tenderly drying his hand off with slow dabs of the cloth before setting it down and opening the band-aid package. He kept his hand as still as he could while I put the bandaid on him, leaning down and kissing it to simulate it's healing like I always did. He giggled and my eyes lit up, my gaze lifting back to his.

Suddenly he stopped and turned away from me, rushing out of the bathroom back to the bedroom and kneeling in front of his box once more. I sighed, leaning against the wall as I watched him. "So where are you going?"

"I have a flight early morning back to my country." he replied. That very moment, my heart sank to my bare feet. "My parents are letting me stay with them till I find a house."

"Well who are you staying with until your flight?" I asked, my eyes only a little wider than normal. He shrugged and my brows furrowed, "Where are you going to go then? You can't just walk the streets!"

"Who are you to tell me what I can and cannot do?" he snapped, turning back to me, "I'm not your boyfriend anymore!"

"That doesn't mean I don't worry about you still!" I retorted, "I still care about you whether you like it or not!" He sneered at me, grabbing his box and standing to his feet, storming out of the bedroom. I followed close behind, "So that's it? I tell you I care about your safety and I'm suddenly the bad guy?!"

He whipped back to me, "Why should you care about me? We agreed to go our separate ways and that's that! Why can't you just let it be over and done with?!" he hissed.

"Because I spent two years completely in love with you and I'm not about to forget it all and act like you don't exist!" I retorted. He turned to leave, but I gripped his arm and spuun him back to me, accidentally causing him to drop his box and let his possessions scatter around the floor.

"What the fuck is your problem?" he hissed, going to pull out of my grasp but it tightened and he winced. "Adam, that hurts!" he whined.

"Why should I care?" I hissed, pushing him against a wall, "You're not my boyfriend anymore, are you?"

"Adam, please!" he begged, his eyes shut tight, head turned to his side. That angered me. Now he wasn't up for a fight. Too fucking bad!

"Look at me, Sauli." I ordered. He shrunk at my tone. But I didn't care. If I was going to leave, I needed him to look me in the eye and tell me to let go. "Look at me!" I raised my voice. Slowly his eyes opened, lifting to mine. At first he was frightened, but after my gaze softened, so did his, alternating between my eyes. Mine did the same, breathing his name, "Sauli..."

He reached up, resting his hand on my cheek. My eyes slipped shut at the feel of his softness, his warmth, resting my hand over his and turning my head, kissing his palm. He pulled my head down, kissing my cheek before my head turned, catching his lips with mine in a sweet, loving kiss. He moaned softly, kissing back as he pulled away from the wall, pulling his body against mine.

My other hand reached to his waist, wrapping around him and pulling him tight against me. His other hand wrapped around my neck, pulling me as close as possible. As if I'd fade if he didn't. His lips. How I missed his lips. I missed his touch. I missed his love.

I released his hand from my cheek and wrapped it around his waist like the other was, his legs slowly wrapping around my waist. I felt a warm tear fall from my eye and I pulled away, opening my eyes to find the same happened to him. "I love you." he whimpered as another tear fell.

"I love you more." I whispered, kissing him again, harder. He whimpered into my lips as tears poured from both our eyes. That only made me kiss him harder, pushing him into the wall again and slowly slipping to the ground. His hands wound into my hair, gripping tightly as our kiss deepened further, my hands slipping beneath his shirt and running up his back.

"_Rakastella minua_." he whispered, pressing his forehead to mine, opening his eyes once more and staring deep into my eyes. "No prep. No condom." my eyes widened at the request. "Just you and me. Here and now."

My heart started pounding in my chest, my breathing uneasy. "Are you sure?" I whispered. He nodded, keeping his gaze locked with mine. "Okay." He leaned in, kissing him slowly, softly, my hands running further up his back in attempts to pull his shirt off. His arms unwrapped from my neck to help me slip the fabric off, tossing it aside. He reached for the hem of my shirt, slowly pulling it up and I shivered as the cold air hit my skin, quickly pulling it off me and tossing it as well, leaning in and kissing him again.

Slowly I slipped my pants off, then his, our lips never parting as I stripped us both. He pulled himself back onto my lap, pressing our bodies flush together, his member brushing against mine. A gasp fell from my lips as they parted from his. "Sauli..." I breathed. His hips pushed into mine, moving his member against mine and I whined softly, "Sauli."

"Rakastan sinua, Adam." he whispered, starting to grind his hips into mine and ripping a loud moan from my lips. But my arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him tight against me so he couldn't go any further. He gasped, his eyes shooting open and staring deep into mine. "Adam..." he whispered, bringing one hand up to slowly brush a few loose strands of hair from my face.

"Are you ready?" I whispered. He nodded, leaning in and ghosting a kiss over my lips as I positioned the head over his entrance. "I love you, Sauli." I whispered, slowly pulling him down on me. My jaw clenched at the tight feel, fighting with every fibre of my body not to slam my hips into his and he threw his head back, crying out. I didn't stop though. I pulled him lower and lower till he was at the very base and I stopped, holding him there and he tensed and relaxed, then tensed again. I waited for what felt like an eternity as I let him adjust. I didn't care how long it took though. Having my love in my arms once more, sharing an intimate moment with him so eternal, so pure, was all I needed. Slowly his gaze turned back to me, breathing heavily as his eyes tore into mine. It felt even longer as I stared into his eyes. But it was something I couldn't pull away from. I didn't want to pull away. Right now, it was me and Sauli. No one else. No drama. No doubt.

Just love.

* * *

As I awoke the next morning, I felt a sort of... Contentment. Warmth. Love.

When I looked to my chest where Sauli rested... Or was once resting.

What?

I sat up, staring around an empty room. No clothes scattered on the floor. And I wasn't in the living room. I was in my room. On my bed. Alone. No trace of Sauli. I'd dreamt the whole thing. Sauli coming back to me, making love to him, fixing his hand. All of it...

It didn't happen.

I felt tears form in my eyes, my gaze falling fro the open door to my lap. I watched as drops of tears that once rolled off my cheeks landed on the sheets between my legs. I sobbed softly to myself, pressing the heels of my palms to my forehead as my elbows rested on my thighs, my fingers in my messy hair. I whispered his name hopelessly, nothing but silence to answer my plead. "Sauli..."

The tears poured, sobbing softly every now and then, wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep and be with my love. My dreams were taunting me now, slowly peeling my heart layer by layer with thoughts of Sauli.

I felt numb again.

He was gone. It was all my fault...

* * *

_**The end. **_

_**P.S. "**__Rakastella minua_." is apparently Finnish for "Make love to me." if you were wondering. Probably not though...

_**So here's my lil preach: **_

_**I don't think Saulbert is really over. They say it was because of their phsychotic schedules. So I believe it's just not the right timing for them. Another rough patch! And every couple has a few along the road, no one is perfect in relationships. Let's admit that! **_

_**I think, when the time is right, they'll reunite and Adam will have his Viking like he said himself! **_

_**Just give it time and carry on with Saulbert. **_

_**On that note, I should inform you that it is April and this story is not quite over yet. Enjoy!**_

* * *

_"Adam?"_ I hear his kind voice. But I don't dare lift my gaze. I know it's only my imagination haunting me, toying me like a puppet on strings.

_"Adam, baby. What's wrong?"_ it calls again. I only sob again, knowing it's not real. _"Adam, please!"_ I hear a shuffling of footsteps. _"Tell me what's wrong. Please!"_ I sob a bit louder at that. _"Baby?"_

Hands touch my arm. Warmth. But it's fake warmth. Every bit of it is fake. _"Adam, please! Look at me!"_ it begged.

I kept my head down, eyes closed, the words coming out of my mouth in pleading sobs, "Why are you doing this to me?" The hands stilled, "Please just let me be." The room silent as they slowly slip away, a soft sigh brings warm breath on my forearms. I feel a shift in the bed and a fading weight.

Steps to the door.

A whisper.

_"Good bye, Adam."_

A door closes.

Silence.

My hands drop and my eyes open. My gaze lifts across the room, looking at the closed door as my tears stop.

My eyes widen in realization.

The door was closed.

I leaped from the bed, quickly slipping my boxers on as I stumbled to the door, gripping the handle and pulling the door open. I rushed through the house to the living room, staring to the front door. My eyes widen and my heart stops once more.

His gaze turns to me, his eyes red with tears. "Come to watch me do my walk of shame?" he sneered, slipping his second shoe on before standing tall, glaring at me. Not truly glaring... I didn't know what to call it. It was anger. Hurt. Something else I couldn't name...

He turned, a single tear falling down his red face from my peripheral before his back was to me, taking a step towards the door. I shook my head frantically, rushing to him and gripping his wrist. He tore from my grasp, but I gripped again, taking his other wrist as well when he turned around to pull away. He fought against me, trying to break free, but I wouldn't let him. He screamed for me to let him go, but I tackled him to the ground, pinning his hands on either side of his head.

His gaze ripped to mine, tearing through my eyes, "You couldn't just let me pack my shit and leave?" he hissed, tears pouring down the sides of his face, "You had to pity-fuck me too, then kick me out first thing in the morning?!" My eyes widened further, shaking my head and opening my mouth to explain. But he spoke before I had the chance, my heart shattering at his words. "I hate you! I fucking hate you! I should have left you two fucking years ago! I hate you, Adam Lambert! Vihaan sinua! _VIHAAN SINUA_!"

I released his wrists, gripping his shoulders and sitting up, pulling him with me as I straddled his waist, wrapping my arms tight around him. He clawed at my back, fighting to break free, but he knew how useless it was. He clenched my shoulders, sobbing into my skin as I held him in a crushing hug, tears falling down both our faces. "I'm so sorry, Sauli." I said to him. "I thought it wasn't real. I thought you were gone forever. I thought I'd dreamt it all." I explained, gripping the fabric of his shirt, smelling the aroma of him off it. "I thought my mind was haunting me. I thought it was making me believe you were there. I thought it was all my sick imagination." His fingers dug into my skin, but I didn't care. The slight pain was another reminder he was real. He was here.

"I promise, baby. I'll never let you go. I can't! I can't live without you! I know it gets hard sometimes, but I could never leave your side. No matter what I say. I love you with all my heart, Sauli, and I promise I'll keep you till you push me away." I buried my face in the crook of his neck, sobbing softly into his skin, "Please, Sauli. Please forgive me. I've never pity-fucked you. I've never even fucked you! Every moment we spent together, everything I felt was pure love. Nothing else!"

"Don't ever let me go, Adam." he begged, "Please!"

I shook my head, pulling away to stare into his eyes, "I promise." He smiled at that, more tears pouring from his eyes as he pulled himself back into my chest, sobbing softly. I pet his hair, kissing into the golden locks before resting my head on his, whispering softy, "Rakastan sinua, Sauli."

"And I love you." he whispered as I held him, keeping silent the whole time he cried into my chest. I was content at this moment, despite the tears. I had Sauli, my true love, my Viking, in my arms for real. And I was never to let him go.

Some things are not made to fade, but rather to grow... I think this is one of those times.

* * *

_**This is the end. Truly. But not the end of Saulbert/Lambski! **_

_**Review, Tweet, Share. **_

_**Please?**_

_**Saulbert is forever, no matter what anyone says!**_


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